Life

Tuesday

I had a couple of pals around for dinner last night which was nice, my missus is away and the one family member living at home was not in so it was just me and my mates. A nice dinner later and some excellent wine we smoked a joint. Weird really as I’ve not smoked anything like that for many many years and I thought that I would enjoy it a little more than I did, so that was all a little underwhelming but the evening was good despite that.

The two of them are notorious for burning the candle at both ends and I am frankly too old for that so was thankful that they left around 10.30. I tidied up and washed up and decided to hit the sack. The change in atmosphere got me. Whereas I had company from my two mates I was now completely alone and this is where my mind sometimes goes into overdrive.

My first thoughts were about sex. It’s been a while since there was much in the way of intimacy in my relationship and I guess being alone in my place, whilst not making much different to whether I not I am getting any, did make me think of options because we all have needs and I am not that old that I don’t want to think about never having sex again. But what are the options really. Pay for it? Not really my bag to be honest. F**k buddy, whilst I hate the term the option is viable, of course I have to get over my self esteem and body issues but assuming I could get over those this is an option, however the killer here is that generally the women that I find attractive do not find me attractive.

These thought were pretty much going nowhere and certainly are not going to be solved on a rainy Tuesday at 10.30 so I turned over and went to sleep.

The night was restless, I kept on having dreams and waking up, I think I had 3 or 4seperate dreams with all sort of crazy things going on and I just felt wearier and wearier each time I woke up. The last dream was particularly cruel and probably was a subconscious matinee of my thoughts about sex.

I cannot remember the whole thing but I remember being in a club and talking to a girl that I had a “thing” with many years ago, however my g/f was there and so had to be careful on what I said. Somehow an opportunity arse for me to be with the girl I had a thing with years previously but at that time she left this club (along with everyone else because the police burst in saying everyone had to leave and we could claim loss of night insurance????wtf???) and I had lost my phone which had her number in it.

I woke up feeling pretty robbed and also thinking about this girl. Not the greatest start to the day for sure but I guess it runs in keeping with my brain farts when on my own.

I could still do with some simple, uncomplicated, nice sex… It is a natural desire surely?

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